I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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