My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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