He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
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Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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