i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
