His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
