My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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