Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
