You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
