Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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