I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
