There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
