i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
