so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
