i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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