Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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