I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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