That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
