We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
