sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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