So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I want a musical about memes.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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