I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
