you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
