Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
