I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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