Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
