Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
