i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
