i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
