remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
