Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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