Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
