She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
