very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
