You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
