I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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