I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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