Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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