guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
