I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
