she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
