i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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