my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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