Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
