I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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