Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
