I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
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I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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