i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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