bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
