I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
dude. I can hear the air.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
