if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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