I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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