He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
