i just sent this text using only my big toe
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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