I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
