im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
