It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
