if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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