i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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