just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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