My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
