Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
