ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
