Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
