whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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