WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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