your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
