he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
