DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
