Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
