Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
