I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
