My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
please don't ironically join a cult
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