sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
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Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
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i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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