a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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