be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
